January 27th

1999:  Pa’s birthday today and Bompers too.  Mummy was already dressed before I got up this morning as I had a lie in until 7.45.  Why don’t I do this at weekends when mum could lie in?  Well there just wouldn’t be any fun in that, now would there? I do have some heart though; I found mums silk roses on her windowsill, picked them up and presented them to her.  She said they were lovely and that they smelt beautiful too.  They’re pretend mother, not real.  Honestly!  Oh well best not disappoint her, I’ll play along with her, let me smell ‘Mm.  Lovely’.  What a Wally!  A little later I called mummy into my bedroom and she came in to find me looking very pleased with myself.  I had stuck the remaining stickers for my potty training chart all over the wardrobe and they were stuck hard and fast.  She told me I was very clever but perhaps next time they should go on the chart.  Tip of the month – if you want to avoid getting in trouble with your mum always look proud and pleased with what you have done and they won’t have the heart to tell you off.  After Edons tonight, mummy and I went to the card shop to get birthday cards for Pa and Bomper, but I found it far more fun to wreck the joint whilst she was distracted rather than to look for cards. We arrived at Nanny and Pa’s and I gave Pa his present and then took it straight back off him and unwrapped it.  Mm, very nice, a new T-shirt, it looks a bit on the big side for me though mum.  What do you mean it’s for Pa; everyone knows presents are for kids.  Aren’t they?  Oh well, the cake then? Pa’s great, he let me sit on his lap and blow out the candles ‘again’ and ‘again’.

2019:  Great Grandad Bomper died when I was 6 at the age of 86.  He is still with me wherever I go and often flickers lights on and off around me! Zof and I were hanging in London this morning and called in to see Uncle Terry, Aunty Dee  and cousin Beau at Epping Ice rink and had a little skate eventually getting home at 7 pm.

Whilst we were away, with me permission, mum had changed my room round (due to a condensation and mould problem which is attacking the wallpaper and needing to get the bed off of said wall) and sorted all my draws etc out. Sprung – I have a full packet of immunosuppressants and a prescription in my draw! Thing is I am very reluctant to take them due to nearly dying of sepsis Christmas before last due to a fungi entering my blood through my sinuses as I was so immune supressed

January 26th

9:  I got mum a cracker this morning – I fell over in my bedroom, mum asked if I was okay and I said ‘yes’, but she noticed my nose was running and went off to get some tissue.  I followed mummy into the bathroom and held out my hand and she thought I’d hurt it.  Mummy kissed it better not realising until that point that I was actually holding out my hand to show her that I’d been very grown up and wiped my own nose with it!  I found her facial contortions highly amusing and now keep giving her ‘presents’ but she hasn’t fallen for it again.  We went to Donals tonight as promised but it was a bit of a let-down as they had run out of boxes and decent toys.  So much for a happy meal – it didn’t make me very happy and I hardly touched any of my chicken nuggets (loodaloo) or chips.  Well it’s not the same without the box is it?!  On the way home we called in to see Dev who found me an excellent motorbike alarm clock.  I loved it so much he said I could keep it.  I was chuffed but mum didn’t seem so pleased.  I think it’s really cool – it revs up and makes real bike sounds and it’s really loud.  I played with it all night and on the way home I fell asleep with it on.  Every time mummy stopped the car and turned it off, I woke up and turned it back on again.  Mum, its soothing okay?

2019: Morning at the beauty parlour waiting for Zof to get her eyelash extensions done and then off to Cirque in London. A very messy night but a great post birthday celebration. I have since had 3 real motorbikes – one when I was 5 and one when I was 6. These faired far better than my first on road bike that I paid £1100 for and blew it up within a month. Got my car for now but one day ………

January 20th

1999:  Well, I did get up before the alarm clock, we had milk and tea in bed and then mum set to getting ready for the day.  When she brushed her hair ready to dry it I copied and groomed my bear and dog (stuffed not real), then when she did her blusher I got another brush and made up Po, my bears, myself and also added an extra touch to mummy’s.  It was great fun but I think it must have made mummy a bit hot and bothered because when we left the house she looked rather red.  This afternoon mummy and I went to ASDA to get the last minute bits for my party tomorrow.  The only thing we haven’t had to buy is the Jelly as mummy has some in the cupboard at home.  When we got home mummy put the tea on and I washed my hands, as we got ready to make the fruit and jelly.  I sat on the side patiently waiting whilst mum got the fruit and the jelly from the cupboard.  Jelly? Where’s the Jelly?  Mummy had the whole cupboard out.  Ooh help!  I decided to have a look but I couldn’t find it either, but I did find the mallow biscuits, so consequently by the time tea was ready I didn’t want mine.  Mummy rang Nanny who saved the day.  Nanny and Pa arrived after my bath and found mummy mopping up wee from the kitchen floor – she was not amused, as I had called her to tell her what I had done and then laughed.  Nanny also bought me Telly Tubbies table cloth, cups, plates, napkins and goody bags.  I sat chatting to Pa with lollipop in hand, mum asked where I’d got it from, Pa grassed saying I’d got it out of my toy kitchen, Mum says I’m getting more and more like a dog every day – not only do I wee all over the place but I hide my treats for later too.  At least I’ve got a better memory than her, she’s now realised that she’s left her scissors and cellotape at Nanny’s and has to do all my presents up with glue!  You know, my mum, dressed up smart every morning, is very self-assured and obviously has quite an important job, so why oh why is she finding it so hard to get to grips with a two year olds tea party?  I’ve never seen her so stressed.  I’m really excited about my party and, despite going to bed at 8.15; I didn’t go to sleep for a whole hour.  I had to lie in bed listening to the sound of 24 balloons being blown up.  Just as well the old girl has quit smoking else they wouldn’t be done by morning

2019: Out for pre-birthday lunch with my pals today and a visit from Geri, Harriet and squirt with an early birthday present. No balloons currently but I’m sure they’ll be around when I get in from work tomorrow. As mum was quite skint when I was a kid she used to fill the settee with balloons and hide my cards and presents in amongst them. I keep telling her I’m all grown up now but apparently its now a tradition!