1999: Awoke at 3 and mum had to come up and get me as she is sleeping downstairs on the futon – far too many paint fumes in her room apparently! We snuggled down on the settee and got up at 7 following at least 6 snoozes! It was great, I could sit up in ‘bed’, drink milk and watch Teletubbies on TV. After Edons mum and I went to the dentist for my first check up, I made sure I had crisps and juice first though for extra impact! I happily opened my mouth wide and showed the dentist my crisp sodden teeth. It could have been worse – mum usually has gooey coated sweetie mess on hers! We went to the carpet shop to pick up my new carpet, but mum lost me and eventually found me crawling along the windowsill behind piles of carpet. What? I just wanted to try a bit of window modelling; after all she does enough window shopping. As we were in town we just had to go in the new shoe shop (mum has an obsession), it was very posh with lots of lovely glass shelves. Still, a few sessions of throwing mum’s car keys at them and the shoe shopping was soon over. What’s the matter with her? Think she must be having shoe withdrawals!
2019: Mums shoe obsession! As I got older I used to have to drag her away from shoe shops with her saying “you can never have too many shoes”. I also said this about fire engines (toy ones clearly). Although mum did have to drive past the fire station every day so I could see if Dennis was in o out. We had a shock one day when Dennis had gone and Sabre had taken his place. I still think about doing this as a job but nothing locally at the moment. When I was about 7, Terry was in the last series of Londons Burning. I watched it over and over on video but was very disappointed when I found out he was not really a fireman – just an actor and comedian apparently. Mind you, Mum and I did manage to get in a scene, walking up pier hill in Southend when a whale apparently needed rescuing there. My fire engine collection has now gone but my shoe collection is growing!
1999: Awoke in the middle of the night, mum came to get me as I was at the top of the stairs and she was asleep downstairs, as was Bim. Mum took me back to my own bed at 5 though, with complaints of me being wriggly and restless. Up again at 7 but forgot that mum was downstairs and wandered around upstairs shouting ‘Mum, Mum, Mum’. It made me jump and then laugh when mum came up the stairs behind me. She took me downstairs where I played very noisily (well is there any other way to play?) I don’t think mum and Bim were too impressed, they just carried on lying there. Adults – they can be so boring at times! Mum and I didn’t get dressed until mid-day, following several bouts of upset stomachs. We went for a walk over the town, I pushed my buggy all the way, bought our usual bacon roll and I sat in the buggy to eat it. We had a quick whiz round the town and spied a blue carpet with Teddy Bears on, so we went in and bought it – as you do – no respect for money.
2019: Now I know where I get my spending from. Although mum says that when she used to tell me she didn’t have any money I used to just tell her to “go to the hole in the wall then”. Mum has now transferred my part returned flight money and I have put it into our joint savings account. Went back to Lowestoft today to get valentines cakes I had ordered for Zof and got everything ready for tomorrow.
1999: Mummy’s going back to work today, after having been off sick, so it was on with the old routine. I did help her to have a shower though and even fetched a towel for her, such the little gentleman. Mum collected me from Edons after work and I helped her to cook the tea. We were having burgers, so I took them out the packet and started licking them but spoil sport mum took them off of me. My tummy’s fine thank you very much. We ate the cooked burgers with Thomas the Tank pasta shapes – with a slight variation – singed flavour. After dinner I dished up the ice cream, but as usual ate most of it out of the carton – I find it tastes better that way. Tonight mummy emptied her chest of drawers ready for painting, she was so engrossed she didn’t realise I’d managed to get the lid off the gloss paint and had loaded a brush until it was a tad too late. I think my carpet design is quite nice actually
2019: Mum has actually gone back to work today after 5 weeks off following redundancy. She came home and started dinner but I took over the pasta back as I prefer in unsinged! Clearly I was just copying mum with the painting as she gets it all over the carpet when she paints.
Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise). Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations. You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere! Some people are so ungrateful. Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day. Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand. Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit. Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it! Talking of poo – Mum I need one. I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again. Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev). Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”. I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me. This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”. My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom. I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day. When I got home mummy and I had fizz. I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers. We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm. That was nice. Should sleep well tonight.
Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom