March 4th – I’m a Foodie Born and Bread

1999: Early start today.  Awake at 6.30 when mum bought my milk in!  Is she feeling all right?  It’s a bit on the early side and she did it all on her own. I held my own inhaler and spacer unit this morning, something I’ve started doing over the past week.  Why does it take big people so long to realise that we will happily do things, if only they’d let us get on with it?  I tried to play with my racing cars this morning but they wouldn’t work.  Mum had a look at it and then blamed me accusing me of leaving the battery on which I felt was mighty unfair and so I had a look and I managed to get it going. When mum picked me up tonight we went home via the shops and I chose Jelly Tots and went running up to mum.  Oh, was that not the reason we were here then?  Apparently not – it was to collect a paper for Nan! She gave in.  I’m just far too cute, but it’s definitely for my own good!  Whilst she was paying I went for a wander.  Mum found me in the cake section drooling over the iced buns; she seemed rather relieved that she reached me at that point; personally I found it quite disappointing.  No milk tonight because mum forgot to buy any – even though we’d just been to the shop!.  We’ve only just been to the shops!  It’s typical, I really don’t know what she does with her day, or her memory come to that.  Tired, milkless and asleep by 8.00

2019: Well mum hasn’t changed over the years and neither have I really. Still love my milk, although I know it probably makes my Crohn’s worse, along with gluten, but my motto is “You’re here for a good time, not a long time”. Death really doesn’t bother me but dying of boredom and restriction does. That’s not the depressed or morbid side of me talking, I’ve looked death in the eye with sepsis. I wasn’t scared – I was too delirious to know or feel anything – but I did make up my mind afterwards to live. And food is my passion so I’m gonna enjoy it. I’ve long grown out of asthma – 7 years ago but it stopped me enlisting for the army at 16 as had to be 3 years clear, and then Crohn’s came along …

#crohns #autoimmune #depression #positiveliving #food #milk #asthma #growing up

 

March 2nd -The Problem with Communication

1999: When I got up I was full of beans and I got mum to join in my antics too (even though we were running late).  I found the headphones for mum’s walkman and sang into the connector piece (as usual) and today I did it on my very own stage – mum’s flat packed wardrobes which are on the floor waiting to be put up.  I wish she’d hurry up and do it, my room’s still full of all her clothes (and I thought I had a lot!) Told mummy that I’d had a good day at Edons but I refused to put my shoes and socks on tonight so mum had to carry me to the new, shiny red car.  I love it!  Mum’s bought a smelly for it, but I didn’t care for that much, it smelt far better than it tasted.  When we got home I found ice-lollies in the freezer which mum made me eat in the kitchen (I can’t think why).  The phone went tonight before, during and after tea – Dev, Eesa, Nan, Karen and Tracey!  Mum and I cuddled on the settee but she put me to bed at 7.45 as she thought I was tired and miserable.  I thought I’d been trying to communicate!  I was asleep within 10 minutes – perhaps she was right, but I won’t tell she knows best.

2019:  Communication’s not my best thing currently. Low mood and arguments. Got an email to advise I did not get short listed for mental health support worker role I applied for –  but at least they bothered to email me.  My grumpiness when tired and hungry has continued into adult life but not working definitely makes everything 10 times worse. Self esteem is taking  nose dive as is my Crohn’s

#depression #self-esteem #crohns #autoimmune #work #humour #growing up

 

March 1st – Cutting Teeth

1999: Spent the day at Edon’s until five when mum took me to Nan’s for tea.  I was really pleased as mum said we were going but I didn’t quite believe her until we rounded the corner of her road and then I got really excited shouting ‘Nan, Nan, Nan’.  Uncle Eddy and Pa were there too!  After 20 minutes mum disappeared.  Charming – more quality time!  She returned an hour later in a new shiny red car – I was very excited and had a little go in the driver’s seat. We went home in the NEW car, which is actually 3 years old, but it’s all ours!  I had a bath, complete with hair wash (I have managed to avoid it for a week now) and I wasn’t too impressed with Mother pouring all that water over my head.  Afterwards I found the lion cake and decided to demolish it.  Mum discovered another tooth coming = 10 at the bottom and eight on top.

2019:  Home alone today and tonight as Mum and Mark have gone to the theatre and Zof is out with friends. Low, low, low day – mum always knows – she text me to check I was in a good place before buggering off out as she put it. I’m ok. Well ok to be left on my own. She rang and faced timed me a couple of times too. I sometimes feel as if I’m cutting teeth all over again in this adult world, but wonder if it was actually any less painful back then …..

#teething #family #grandparents #toddlers #adults #work #depression #demotivation

 

February 28th Job Hope Brightens the Mood

1999:  Couldn’t be bothered to get up this morning I lay in bed calling ‘Mum, Mum’ but she did not answer.  Then I called ‘Nan’ and I heard movement and a figure entered my room saying ‘no, you were right the first time!’  I was sooo pleased to see her and we had big hugs and cuddles.  We went downstairs for milk and juice and made ‘bix’ for ‘fast’ and sat eating and drinking at the table.  At 10.30 Granddad came to fetch me to see daddy.  I had a lovely day, my cousins came round in the morning and we all played.  I had so much fun that I didn’t sleep all day and fell asleep on the way home. Tonight Nan and Pa came round with peaches and jelly and cake.  I kept putting the candles on and blowing them out – mum didn’t seem to blow out any – perhaps you don’t like that sort of thing when you get older.  

2019:  Went out to meet a friend who is back on site over this way as caravan sales manager. Was great to catch up and have breakfast and he has also told me of a sales job going on a nearby site. Went to Zof’s tonight to update my CV and do covering letter which I have now sent over to him. That has given me a bit of hope again, as the agency I keep ringing about factory work just isn’t getting anywhere in a hurry. At least we’re not actually in the flat yet and my current landlord is Mum! 

#caravans #sales #work #growingup #kids #adults

February 27th Birthday Celebrations

1999:  Up at 6.30 – come on mum – it’s the weekend – let’s party.  She doesn’t seem too enthusiastic.  I guess she is getting on a bit now – 34 today.  She sang happy birthday to herself, but I wanted it to be to ‘me’.  We had a cup of tea, got dressed and then went to Nanny and Pa’s.  Mum had lots of pressies and I wanted to open them all.  I had bought her a lovely green purse and she had Lion cake (which I blew the candles out on several times).  Mummy went home to get ready and then she went off to London for the day and I stayed with Nanny and Pa.  I went to the shops with Pa and we bought some yummy cakes. We made peaches and jelly for mum’s tea tomorrow (well it is mine and Pa’s favourite!)  Pa bought me a Thomas the Tank Engine magazine and I had a generally spoilt and pampered day.  Well I do have to work hard living with my mum, so it’s nice to have a break every now and again.  Nanny and Pa took me home and although mummy’s, Bim’s and Eesa’s cars were there, there was no sign of anyone.  I went to bed and I presume Nanny and Pa stayed with me. 

2019: Mum always takes her birthday off from work and I met her for a Pizza Hut buffet at  lunch time which is one advantage of being unemployed. This afternoon we got the fire going and watched the films I wanted to watch on Sky Cinema (20 years may have passed but I still seem to have a handle on things!) Zof came over tonight and we gave mum her all her pressies – lots of organic stuff (as she’s gone organic mad) and a companion set for fire place. Indian take away for tea which was lush. Oh. And I had to trouble mum to fill out a form for guarantor for flat ……

#parents #growing up #birthdays #celebrations #unemployment #houserenting #presents #girlfriends #cakes

 

February 18th -Workout

1999:   Awoke at 6, prodding mum and whispering her name.  She kept telling me it was the middle of the night and that I should ‘go back to sleep’, but I didn’t.  The alarm eventually went off  and feeling bored now I shot up, turned off the alarm and put the radio on.  There’s no way she’s snoozing today, I’m wide awake.  I spent the day at Nan’s today.  We went for a walk over the town; I pushed my buggy the whole way there but managed to hitch a ride back.  Mum didn’t get in until 7 tonight and when she finally arrived to pick me up we had to go straight home.  I took a chocolate mousse with me which I was insistent on eating with mummy’s keys (she can’t drive then, we get to stay longer), but Nan persuaded me to use my fingers instead.  I don’t know if they were any cleaner than the keys to start with, but they were in a wonderful mess by the time I’d finished. When we got home we had to empty mums bedroom of all her furniture and later Dev arrived to lay her carpet.  I was a great help of course. At least that’s one roll of carpet gone. 

2019:  So this morning  work wanted me to go painting in my car. Yeah right. Then they said I could do lofts – without ladders. So I spent the day job hunting and filling in load of applications for factories, building and support worker. Need a job. Need my flat.

February 15th – Shoes and Fire Engines

1999:  Awoke at 3 and mum had to come up and get me as she is sleeping downstairs on the futon – far too many paint fumes in her room apparently!  We snuggled down on the settee and got up at 7 following at least 6 snoozes!  It was great, I could sit up in ‘bed’, drink milk and watch Teletubbies on TV.  After Edons mum and I went to the dentist for my first check up, I made sure I had crisps and juice first though for extra impact!  I happily opened my mouth wide and showed the dentist my crisp sodden teeth.  It could have been worse – mum usually has gooey coated sweetie mess on hers!  We went to the carpet shop to pick up my new carpet, but mum lost me and eventually found me crawling along the windowsill behind piles of carpet.  What?  I just wanted to try a bit of window modelling; after all she does enough window shopping.  As we were in town we just had to go in the new shoe shop (mum has an obsession), it was very posh with lots of lovely glass shelves.  Still, a few sessions of throwing mum’s car keys at them and the shoe shopping was soon over.  What’s the matter with her?  Think she must be having shoe withdrawals!   

2019: Mums shoe obsession! As I got older I used to have to drag her away from shoe shops with her saying “you can never have too many shoes”. I also said this about fire engines (toy ones clearly). Although mum did have to drive past the fire station every day so I could see if Dennis was in o out. We had a shock one day when Dennis had gone and Sabre had taken his place.  I still think about doing this as a job but nothing locally at the moment. When I was about 7, Terry was in the last series of Londons Burning. I watched it over and over on video but was very disappointed when I found out he was not really a fireman – just an actor and comedian apparently. Mind you, Mum and I did manage to get in a scene, walking up pier hill in Southend when a whale apparently needed rescuing there. My fire engine collection has now gone but my shoe collection is growing!