1999: Awoke at 3 and mum had to come up and get me as she is sleeping downstairs on the futon – far too many paint fumes in her room apparently! We snuggled down on the settee and got up at 7 following at least 6 snoozes! It was great, I could sit up in ‘bed’, drink milk and watch Teletubbies on TV. After Edons mum and I went to the dentist for my first check up, I made sure I had crisps and juice first though for extra impact! I happily opened my mouth wide and showed the dentist my crisp sodden teeth. It could have been worse – mum usually has gooey coated sweetie mess on hers! We went to the carpet shop to pick up my new carpet, but mum lost me and eventually found me crawling along the windowsill behind piles of carpet. What? I just wanted to try a bit of window modelling; after all she does enough window shopping. As we were in town we just had to go in the new shoe shop (mum has an obsession), it was very posh with lots of lovely glass shelves. Still, a few sessions of throwing mum’s car keys at them and the shoe shopping was soon over. What’s the matter with her? Think she must be having shoe withdrawals!
2019: Mums shoe obsession! As I got older I used to have to drag her away from shoe shops with her saying “you can never have too many shoes”. I also said this about fire engines (toy ones clearly). Although mum did have to drive past the fire station every day so I could see if Dennis was in o out. We had a shock one day when Dennis had gone and Sabre had taken his place. I still think about doing this as a job but nothing locally at the moment. When I was about 7, Terry was in the last series of Londons Burning. I watched it over and over on video but was very disappointed when I found out he was not really a fireman – just an actor and comedian apparently. Mind you, Mum and I did manage to get in a scene, walking up pier hill in Southend when a whale apparently needed rescuing there. My fire engine collection has now gone but my shoe collection is growing!
1999: I decided to be good this morning (well I give the old girl a break from time to time) and played nicely with my toys whilst mum was getting ready. I have found a new hiding place – not in the beds or behind the doors – but in the suitcase in Mummys room. She found it very funny and I had to stay there while she ran downstairs to get the camera. Not that I minded; I love a good pose. My good behaviour continued throughout the day. Edon reckons mum has me well trained as I put Edons’ slippers on for her when we came in and fetched her boots for her when it was time to go out again. Edon found this very funny, but it’s no laughing matter you know, my mum’s a right slave driver! I wanted to go to Nanny and Pa’s tonight, but mum said no. So I just said “Nan, Nan, Nan” over and over again, getting louder and louder until she gave in. Well it saved her cooking tea didn’t it? Pa had bought me a Teletubbies CD and now my totally un-trendy mummy has to try and learn all the dances. She just can’t keep up.
2019: I remember that mum usually had to drive herself home after these visits as I would go in Pa’s van with him, pretending to be a bus and making him stop at all the bus stops. I now have my own work van and today had to drive to Burnley and back to load up with panels. Left at 5am and back at 8pm but I didn’t have time stop at any bus stops
Mummy awoke with the alarm, to find me lying next to her, she cannot remember how or when I got there (and she accused me of guzzling the fizz!). She turned off the alarm and we snoozed on and off. Here we go again. Rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. We went down to do my milk and mum’s tea, but I want tea too. I refused to put my milk in the microwave and with a persistent shouting of “tea” I eventually got my own way. Only ate half of my banana this morning, mummy decided to wear the rest of it on her coat. Fashion has obviously taken a very strange turn. Wasn’t too keen to go to ‘Edon’s’ today, but go I did, with a bag full of clothes in preparation for something called ‘training’. When Mum left I did my half screaming, half laughing, and half crying bit. How could she leave me? Has she gone? Oh, great – let’s play! Have discovered what the ‘training’ bits about, it’s to develop my impersonating skills – today I did an excellent Niagara Falls, whilst in the high chair. Personally I think it would have been far more effective standing up and given free range, but Director Edon thought differently and tried to collect most of it in a towel.
Well carrying on the wet theme – the tumble dryer packed in today so Zof had to go to work in wet jeans and I collected a new one from Argos. Was great to get back in the truck again (well 3.5 tun) and feel the roar. Had to drive it down from Burnley the other week in a mighty storm and have to drive it there again on Sunday to pick up some boards. Looking forward to getting back to work now.
Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise). Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations. You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere! Some people are so ungrateful. Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day. Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand. Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit. Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it! Talking of poo – Mum I need one. I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again. Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev). Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”. I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me. This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”. My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom. I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day. When I got home mummy and I had fizz. I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers. We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm. That was nice. Should sleep well tonight.
Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom